Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Weird Mush

Something happened after I had a child. Those times of the month when I was normally cranky, I am now SUPER mush!!! It is insane!

So for tonight's continuation of the mush......

Our Wedding Song~~~~~

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
Feels like home to me

Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light
If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much


Thank you for being my silver lining. For always loving me no matter what. For making every day worth living, and always making my heart smile. Bella and I are the luckiest girls in the world. I couldn't do it without you and wouldn't want to!!!


Made me cry

Ben copied this from "Chicken Soup for a Father & Daughter" and it made me bawl-so I thought I'd share so everyone else can bawl too:)


Apology to a Child

By the time that you can read this
You may not know me well
But then again, we may be close
You can never really tell.

You used to call me "Daddy"
I used to hold you tight
I used to bathe you every day
And tuck you in at night.

I should have held your Mommy more
We shoudl have sat and talked
The love grew cold, the words got hot
And then one day I walked.

I cried the night I left you all
I cried again today
It seems sometimes that's all I've done
Since that night I went away.

I hope you know I love you
Though I wasn't always there
I think about you constantly
And you're always in my prayers.

I hope someday you'll understand
That this thing hurt me, too
I hope you'll know, I always have
And always will love you.

Last night I drove to where you live
I saw your bedroom light
I sat and watched and thought of you
Until the sky grew bright.

I'm not the man I used to be
I've learned a lot since then
I wish I could turn back time
And live with you again.

But I can't change the things I've done
Or take back the things I've said
All I can do is write these words
While lying here in bed.

I hope that when you read this
You'll know this one thing's true
That no one else in this whole world
Means more to me than you.

k crying again

For all the girls whose Daddys left when they were too young to understand. For all the girls who always wondered what they did wrong. For all the girls who are moms now and miss their Daddys. For all the girls who hold their husbands tight and know their babies are so lucky to have him in their lives.

I love you Dad-always and forever, no matter what our past holds. I'll always hold our special memories close and hope you do too. I miss "us" but loved watching you with Bella and hope you know that door is forever open.

Safaaaaaari Baby!!!

Last week when my cousin, Jessica, was here we went to the Wild Wilderness Safari ( and got to see all kinds of animals!! Bella loved pointing and shrieking at everything she saw move:)

Camel Crossing

Close up:)

Bella kicking the goats:) They were trying to eat her stroller!!

Pulling their tails (don't worry, I doused her in hand sanitizer when we were done)


Stupid bird trying to peck at my baby!!!


We really had fun! It was like a drive-through zoo. Closest thing Redneck Arkansans can get to a zoo around here so we'll take what we can get:) They are actually in the planning stages for an Aquarium less than a mile from my mom's house- can't wait!!!!

New Pictures

I've neglected you- beat me:) Some pics from the last few weeks....

Pretty lil Sunshine


Look at my toofers!!!

Think so huh, Mama?

I'm gonna get ya!!!!!

Monday, August 13, 2007

It is HOT!!!

Summer is suppose to be FUN!!!! Summer= playing outside, chasing doggies, swimming in the pool, running through the sprinkler, being lazy outside in the evening when the sun never ends. Nope, its over 100 degrees and the heat index is approaching 110. It isn't suppose to get this hot in Arkansas!!! I grew up in TX, spent 19 years of my life there-it is ok for it to be hot there, but NOT here. No one got my approval for this!!! LOL WAAAAAGGGGHHHHH I wanna take my baby to the pool, let her run through the Splash Park, and go take walks at the Lake. NOPE gotta be hot:(

K the wambulance just left, I'm ok now.

My Bean is a walking machine (wooo rhyming!!!). She is all over the place. I love walking down the hallway, holding her one lil hand like she is a big girl walking next to mama (ok there is no "like she is" because she really is a big girl walking next to mama but just let me pretend, ok?). We went outside and chased the neighbor's kitty EARLY this morning before the heat advisory kicked in full force and she was all up and down the drive way (HUGE slant, big muscles are required to walk it LOL). It is funny though, when we play inside, she loves to walk everywhere but when she is playing, she has started playing on her back and rolling around (regressing back to her 6 month old self that couldn't sit up yet?!?!). Cracks me up-its like she is still wanting to hang on to being a baby a little bit longer. I love it because she'll let me lay next to her and tickle her. She makes me love being mama so much!!!

Just in case anyone was wondering-Cigna is currently on my VERRRRRY bad list!!!

Today's Countdowns:

FIVE 5~5~5~5 DAYS til Jessafern gets her happy lil pickle bootay to Arkansas- CANNOT wait to see my first baby girl:) and have her play with my REAL baby girl LOL Three Pickles under one roof-watch out world!!!!

77 DAYS til we fly to the beach and play with Pop:) (I pulled up just to see how hot it is here today and first thing that pops up is a hurricane in Hawaii. Hawaii can have all of those suckers this year, stay FAR FAR FAR away from the Gulf!!!!)

Thursday, August 9, 2007


Its 11pm-I am WAAAAY past my bedtime but I HAVE to get caught up with work and I'm sooooo sick of using my brain!!!!

I was tagged by my friend Jessica D. to give 8 random (oh this will be FUN!!!) facts/habits about myself.

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts. (that was easy)
2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules (**if you are a non-blogger L-O-S-E-R, you can email them!)
4. At the end of your blog/email, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog!

UNO~ I lived in Italy for a little over a year. I miss it every single minute and finally know what it means to be homesick for a place that isn't "home". It was the place where Ben and I had our first home together and our first year as a married couple. We want to retire there and open a pensione.

DOS~ I am a sexual assault survivor. I was raped by 2 guys (semi-acquitances) Feb. 2003 while going to school in Wisconsin. I reported it, we went to trial, they are both free and I am a survivor. Ben was my silver lining from the worst thing that ever happened in my life. If I had not been assaulted, I probably never would have moved to Arkansas and never would have met the love of my life. He saved my soul and makes my heart smile every day. When any other guy would have ran the other way knowing all that baggage, he ran towards me and made me live again.

TRES~ I pick my daughter's ears. It is a total OCD habit that drives Ben insane!!! My mom use to do it to me and I HATED it, and now I do it. Add it to my list of "I will NEVER do that to my child" things that I now do. I cannot stand to see wax in my child's ear-it is weird, I know.

QUATRO~ I love to hunt and fish. I have always been a tomboy and can't wait to share those things with Bella. The entire time I was pregnant, I seriously dreamed about the first time my baby would hook a worm and catch a fish-seeing that excitement in her eyes. CAN'T WAIT!!!!

CINCO~ I wanted 3 boys-no girls. Then I got pregnant, and by the 6th week I knew it was a girl and I was SOOOOOOO excited!!! Everyone (except my brother) was convinced it was a boy, but I KNEW and I surprised the heck out of myself by WANTING it to be a girl. I was excited about playing Barbies, dressing her up, playing with her hair-GIRLY things!!! I know insane to imagine but I did, and I am soooo incredibly glad we have a girl (would have taken whatever we got). I can't imagine my life without her.

SEIS~ I talk to my child as if she really is a human being. I know sounds silly but people seriously look at me like something is wrong with me when I talk to my child in public. I have full conversations with her-and yes, she knows what I am saying and I know what she is "saying" back. How a person could go through their life with a wonderful lil person by their side and not converse with them is beyond me. I love to point things out to her, interact with her, and just "talk". She'll point at things and I tell her what they are. She "sings" (screams in the most beautiful lil sound) and I tell her she has the most beautiful singing voice ever. We walk down the aisle at WalMart and some snotty chic is talking on her cell phone, Bella screams, "BLAH BLAH BLAH"-I'm telling ya, the chica knows what is going on:)

SEITE (no clue if that is the correct spelling)~ Wednesday night is movie night at our house-if Bella goes to sleep on time. We turn off all computers, TVs, ignore our phones and put a movie in and spend time together. If we don't have a movie we want to watch, we sit out on the deck and just be together (with our cold Coronas). It is nice. I use to make fun of people that scheduled time together-now I get it and look forward to our Wednesdays.

OCHO~ If I won the lotto, I would travel the world and HAVE to go to Australia. When I first met Ben, my brother was telling me all these things about him. He threw in that Ben's fav number is 13 (MINE too, was my bball jersey #) and that he wanted to go to Australia. I gave in (after 3 months of avoiding guys-this was right after I moved from WI) and finally said that Ben could call me. We were married 7 months later:)

1. Alyssa
2. Anthony
3. Elizabeth
4. Mi mamasita
5. Jessica M.
6. my imaginary friend (I have resurrected her-I flushed her down the toilet when I was 4)
7. Malisa
8. April

ok gonna drag my butt to bed-hope Bella sleeps all night so I can wake up early and work some more. I HATE being behind!!!!! POOOOO on AT&T and Earthlink for forcing me to use Dial-up for a week. YAY to Cox for making cable internet be my new best friend:) YAY to Hendren Auto Complex for making the A/C in LumLum work again-Bella no longer has to have a purple face when we leave the house:) TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

Newest Trick (BIG one!!!)

Ben was outside watering the plants and Bella decided to walk to the window to scream at him:) She had been taking a few steps (no more than 2 at a time) here and there between furniture but she just went into zooooooooooooom mode! It is really cute because she will concentrate so hard and then just start giggling:)