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Quick Update: I went for my first mammogram last week (highly recommended since I am now on hormone replacement therapy from my hysterectomy). Got called back in this week for a follow-up on a "spot". Was shown the "spot"-about 5mm pea size on the left side, showed up again on the 2nd mammogram. An ultrasound was performed to rule out clogged/inflamed/dilated ducts, and all of that was ruled out-it is a solid mass. The radiologist said, "You are so young and it looks benign so we can watch it for 6 months." I said, "We will do no such thing! I was too young for cervical cancer, had a normal pap smear 2 months before being diagnosed and it looked benign then too, so NO we will NOT wait and watch it, we will get it out of there faster than pronto!" Saw the breast surgeon this morning and we will be doing surgery (outpatient) on January 14th.

This will be an excisional biopsy which removes the entire mass or abnormal area, as well as a surrounding margin of normal-looking breast tissue. They will use wire localization since it is a small lump that is hard to find by touch. First they'll use the mammogram machine to map out the mass and then they will insert a needle with a thin wire directly to the mass so the surgeon can get right to the mass and remove the entire thing. I'll have local anesthesia and something good to make me not care that they are cutting into me:) Then more of the waiting game for the path report-hopefully by that following Monday or Tuesday to find out whether its cancer.

The surgeon was awesome and I really liked him. He goes to our church and everyone I've talked to highly recommends him. He was very proactive and supportive of getting this done ASAP and not doing the "wait and see" approach as the radiologist had suggested. He was totally understanding of me wanting things done and of how I felt-BIG brownie points!! He actually tried to get the surgery done tomorrow but we wouldn't have had time to do the labs and the first opening was the 14th. He said there is only about a 10% chance that if it is cancer that it is metastasized from my cervical cancer, which would mean this is a whole different, separate, 2nd cancer. But all of that is to be determined and depends on whether its even cancer. Hopefully its not and we don't have to worry about all that junk.

So next week (Wednesday, 1/6) I have my routine GYN oncologist appt with a more extensive exam per my radiation oncologist because of some stuff still going on that should already be resolved if it were after effects of radiation (not pretty details so just pray it's nothing and something simple to fix and I won't have to torture with the info LOL). Then Friday I have my pre-op lab junk. And surgery is the 14th.

Please pray the obvious-that is not cancer, that its only in one spot and can be easily removed and have clear margins. Please also pray for my family, they are just as scared as me (though they are braver and actually show their fear, I just keep mine nice and bottled up and put on my game face), and especially on the 14th as it is also the 2 year anniversary of my Nana going to Heaven.

Ben told me last night that he is gearing up for the next round-I hate that he has to gear up for anything!! I'm ready for smooth sailing but I know THAT is not what God promised-he promised he would be with us every step of the way, and he has. I know he only gives us what he knows we can handle but I'm thinking we need to have a nice lil powwow and reassess just how much he thinks I can handle!! I know I can do this and be his lil warrior all the way through, I'm just sick of my family having to go through it too. I had a lil chat with him last night as I was attempting to doze off and just totally realized that apparently he has something super duper awesome up his sleeve for me, some kind of amazing plan that somehow involves cancer, and I guess I didn't catch on the last time so he is giving me another go around. Just gonna pray for an open heart, mind, ears and eyes so I can get it this time!!

You've Come A Long Way, Baby Girl

Sometimes I feel like that's what God is saying to me lately:) AND I LOVE that reminder!!

This weekend we got to pack up the kiddos (and their entourage) and head to Little Rock for Ben's cousin's wedding. Bella was the flower girl:) She did pretty awesome for her first gig-made it about 3/4 down the aisle before she saw Mama and decided to detour it straight for our pew LOL She did actually toss flowers out before that so she did better than me my first time LOL

I remember when I was first diagnosed and my cousin wanted me and my mom to come to a Taylor Swift concert with her in Chicago (unfortunately same weekend as the wedding). All I could think was, "OCTOBER?!?! Seriously, you think I'm gonna make it to October and actually feel human enough to not only make a trip to Chicago but do a concert?!?!" I told myself that I'd be happy if I was healthy enough to enjoy Christmas with my family.

So, it is October and here I am. I drove the whole way down and back-no my husband is not evil and did not force me to, I WANTED to and I was ABLE to:) I was ABLE to enjoy all the festivities and had a blast with my baby girl (and Mr. Man too). And didn't feel the need for a nap the entire weekend-HUGE for me!!!

It is still so hard to imagine that only 6 months ago I was hearing "it's cancer" for the first time, was going to all these insane appointments that I never imagined myself having to face, scheduling surgery, wondering when radiation would start and how long it would last, fearing they would find the cancer had spread, and just wanting my body to cooperate enough so I could enjoy every single second with my family, and praying this horrible disease did not have a negative impact on their lives (at least nothing they'll remember LOL). It seems like a lifetime ago that I was having to face this huge fight. But God never left my side for one minute-he was there for all those appointments, watched over the surgeons, was in the treatment room every afternoon (and even sent a few awesome cancer posse chicas my way to run into every afternoon), and took every cell of cancer out of my body. My family has been so blessed with all the prayers, emails, cards, meals, visits from complete strangers (AND people we love dearly LOL), and I know that is what kept us going.

It is scary, it does completely bring your world to a halt, and make you question all sorts of things that you never imagined would enter your mind, but in the end, its made me soooo much stronger and brought me a million times closer to my family, friends, and definitely God. Is it crazy to be thankful for cancer? I'm not thankful for all that we had to endure, but I'm thankful for the end product:)

My cheesy babies :)

Daddy with Hunter and Tinkerbelle

Daddy and his girl

Me and the flower girl:)

These crazy people that I live with decided to have a Parade LOL:)

HUGE Pic Update

LOL so I think just about every blog post lately has been "HUGE Pic Update" because I'm such a slacker-actually I'm just really uber busy finally getting to just love life and have fun with my babies:) Not gonna make any promises that I'll do a better job and post more often, that way you can get all excited when I surprise you!

Sweet munchkins ready for church

Bella's first field trip was to the Fire Station-she LOVED it!!!

Yep 3 going on 13, and boy does she have it down pat!!

Love my Bub!

Sweet Chubs pressing his face against the window (gotta love how its COVERED in baby finger prints LOL)

This is his favorite spot

My lil performer (Hunter is clapping LOL such a good brother!)

Gonna be a karoake star!!!

Chubs thinking he is hot stuff:)

LOVE my babies playing together!!! (fast forward about 5 minutes and she has managed to clobber him and he is bawling LOL)

Bella discovered her fishing pole in the garage so she decided she needed to "gold fish" in the bird bath LOL CRAZY imagination, seriously dunno where she gets it?!?!

Guess she is checking out all the fish

"CAUGHT ONE!!!"

Cheesy man!! (Aunt Carolyn-like my padding job so he can fit in the swing?)

His 2nd fav spot

Love me some Chub curls!

Ok seriously scary but check out the toofers, and those blue eyes are gonna break some hearts!!

Aunt 'Net-Bella LOVES her foam bubble spray LOL

Don King, eat your heart out!!

Bestest friends for life!!! I think Hunter has taken claim of Tinkerbelle-they are HILARIOUS together!!

New Videos

Bella's rendition of "Jesus Loves Me" while reading her Bible:) Beautiful music!!




Kiddos in the bathtub with Bella screaming "It's ok, Dom! It's ok!" This is her newest thing to say whenever I ask her to not do something LOL And "Dom" is "Daddy" + "Mom"




Hunter loving bathtime!

HUGE Pic Update

Needed to empty the good ol memory card.... TOTALLY not in order at all so just enjoy:)

My newest thing is calling Bella and I "the girls" and Ben and Hunter "the boys"-just something that popped outta my mouth one day and its stuck. Growing up I was the only girl in our neighborhood and I never had a sister, so its kinda fun to be "one of the girls" :)

Bella's hugs are seriously a God thing!

My butterfly garden decided to bloom again!!! Everytime Bella finds a caterpillar (which she always calls "Hermie"-a fav from Aunt Alyssa), we take it to the butterfly garden so it can eat and grow into a beautiful butterfly.


He is already all boy!!! He loves to lure Tink over to him and then he alternates between pile driving her or sliding his arm under her belly and making her do a back flip LOL Well she gave him a taste of his own medicine the other day so he was "Lil Bruiser" for a few days (red chin and nose from scratches)

such a lil cheeser monkey

'Hawk compliments of Daddy

LOVE watching my babies play together

Tink being the lil Queen she is:)

We went to a Naturals game when my dad and brother were in town last month and Bella got to run the bases after the game:) She said, "I'm a baseball player" afterwards!!

She is the shorty in the maroon shirt:)

Happy Man chillin on the blanket at the game-we LOVE the grass area where the kids can run and play

Being a chubby lil giggle monster

CHEESE

Only my brother would bring a book to read at a baseball game!!!!

The Latest

I started feeling kinda crummy last week-just real weak and some fatigue. Towards the end of the week I was having lots of dizzy spells, some nausea and shortness of breath. All the same stuff I experienced when my blood levels were low last time. So I went in yesterday to have my levels checked (YES, I should have done it before the holiday weekend). They are still in the "safe" zone but have dropped a bit. We're hoping that my body is just trying to fight off the bug that everyone is passing around. If I still feel crummy on Friday and haven't gotten sick, then I have to go back in to have my levels rechecked. Please pray that they bounce back!!

Gonna post updated pics/videos of the kiddos on the Family Blog.

Thank you all so much for the continued prayers!!!

Update

I can finally say, "I'm sooooo happy to be on the OTHER side!!" I am feeling awesome, have energy (and desire) to do "normal" stuff, and just enjoying one day at a time. Its amazing what a lil blood will do for ya:) I had my blood levels checked again last week and everything is right around the same. So for now, I do not have to go see the hematologist!!! I do have to call in pronto if I have headaches, dizziness, fever, pain, etc. so they can get me in right away to have my levels checked. Next appt isn't until Sept. 30th with my surgeon/GYN oncologist:) Not exactly looking forward to that one but hopefully I'll get another awesome report. I'm having to go back and forth with all the various docs to harrass them in order to get my CT scan done. It was suppose to be done in 3 months and we are going on 4 this week. I just want to hear, "It's gone. All clear." so badly!!! I'm just thankful that I am FEELing so much better. I didn't put any expectations out there and said that I'd hope I'd feel halfway human by Christmas, so I'm thrilled to be to this point at the end of August:)

More awesome news: As most of you know, my mom has been diagnosed with CVID (common variable immune deficiency) and has Vivaglobin treatments once a week (for the rest of her life). The immunologist felt that Bella and I should be tested for CVID since Bella was sick at least 1-2x per month from the time she was 1 year until she got her tubes done this April (thats alot of sick for a lil chica). We got her results back today and they came back PERFECT!!!! So her immune system rocks, she just needed tubies-which was pretty obvious to me anyways since she hasn't been sick once since she got them. I have to wait at least 6 months from the date of my last radiation treatment to be tested. Please keep me in your prayers for that one! My mom and I both had cancer at the exact same age (me-cervical, mom-thyroid) so its kinda scary. In my low moments, I bawl thinking of Bella getting to my age and the fear I know that I'll have for her. I just keep praying for a cure and that a miracle will come so she does not have to go thru this herself. Our genes are basically a petri dish just ripe for cancer.

Non-medical updates: Bella started preschool at Lifeway Christian and LOVES it!!! I think she is really going to thrive and do awesome. Her teacher, Mrs. Ostrand, is all about routines-LOVE it!!! Hunter is as close to crawling as he can possibly get. He is getting on all 4s and rocking back and forth. He can crawl backwards just hasn't gotten the forward gear down yet.

Thank you all soooooo much for all the prayers, cards, emails, delicious meals, sweet thoughts and just lifting our family up the past few months-you got us to this point!!! I will never be able to repay your kindness but am blessed to be at a point where I can give back to other survivors and their families. LOVE YOU!!!

August Pics

Feeling LOTS better now that I have normal hemoglobin levels... just enjoying the kiddos and the last bit of summer.

Yep, she's definitely mine-would rather read books than watch cartoons and insists on taking her books outside with her to read:)

Reading her Bible:)

Playing with the baby capuchin monkey at the Safari

Mama kangaroo with her baby hanging out of the pouch

Bella checking out the mini pony

Cheesyman:) with his toofers!

I have a baby picture of me EXACTLY like this!!!

This just LOOKS like trouble!!!

His newest thing is to put his thumb in his mouth and then stick up his fingers like this and blow zurberts:)

Blowing zurbers with his tongue hanging out:) He thinks zurberts are the greatest thing ever and cracks up laughing when he does it when I'm trying to feed him.

My silly boys

Daddy loves

Grma's dog, Jake, always sits at the bottom of the highchair when Bella eats lunch-cracked me up when Hunter scooted over there to take his turn:) And yes, my 3 yr old is in a highchair cuz its the one time of the day I can actually contain her and get stuff done!!!

Cutie patootie

Love me some Hunter