Monday, July 13, 2009

Hello from No More Radiation Land!!!

No more radiation treatments!!! So nice to not have to look forward to that and plan around it every afternoon:) I'm still having some yukky side effects from radiation but the oncologist said I should be good by Wednesday-if not, I'll be calling them because this just is NOT comfortable! I am thankful that the fatigue is wearing off and I'm able to function like a normal person a little more.

I think I'm finally going through the roller coaster of emotions-I'm angry that I have to be a cancer survivor for the rest of my life, that the title has to be attached to me, then I'm so thankful that I'm a SURVIVOR and all the amazing ways it is continually transforming my life. I constantly question my ability to be a good mom-not being able to be a mom for so long destroyed me and just makes me afraid that I'm not up to it and wonder when I ever will be-but then I have awesome days and can totally keep up and love every second of it. And again, the thankfulness that I'm still here to be a mama and that my kiddos love me so incredibly much and none of this makes any difference to them. Bella still begs to snuggle with Mama and Hunter fell asleep snuggling with me at 4am today. And then I get bitter thinking that it could have been prevented yet I can't find it in me to maintain a Christian heart while writing a complaint to the state medical board-even though I know I NEED to. Then I think of my new physical limitations and side effects and I get angry all over again. Then I go back to thinking that I'm so glad radiation is over but I wish the whole cancer "thing" wasn't associated with me at all-then someone reminds me that me beating it and maintaining my faith has inspired them (I honestly try not to laugh when people refer to me as an inspiration-I'm just me). Just kind of a confusing mush right now.

Here's some pic love from the past week...

Silly cheesercakes playing together

Yep, they're mine:) All three of them

The kiddos with Uncle Popeye

Bella's bday present which she named Dora

Part Blue Heeler/Part Lab-approx 5 months old

Mama and her boy

Our Family at our Vow Renewal Ceremony

Me and my guy-love you!!!

Silly goofball got dressed up in her princess play clothes and decided she needed a raincoat on since it was raining outside LOL

Major cheesin in her Derby hat:)

Sweet man playing outside

Watching the trees-Ben, Bella and Hunter all have the exact same expression when they concentrate

OMG in love!!!

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