I still cannot believe 1 month ago today, and you were gone. I expected a month out I would actually be able to grasp the fact that you are gone, but it just hasn't happened yet. I still catch myself almost turning right at the end of our road to head to your house, or picking up the phone when Bella has a new trick so I can share it with you. Sometimes its hard to visit Papa because Bella still looks for you everywhere, and its hard calling him on the phone because I know you aren't there for him to pass the phone to. But I know you would want us to be there for him so I try not to be selfish and put aside my feelings.
Sometimes I think I'm dealing just fine, other times I wonder if I'm dealing at all. Mom and I are gonna go to a grief support group next week and check it out. Can't believe we are people that could benefit from something like that-only because you aren't suppose to be gone. Damnit I wasn't gonna cry. I love you too much, this hurts way too much and I miss you more than I ever thought possible. It still just isn'tright. ugh gona go cry