Thursday, February 28, 2008

Grief Support

Heya Boop! I went to my first Grief Support group meeting tonight and it was really great. NEVER imagined I'd refer to participating in that kind of group as "great" but I honestly left feeling a bit energized. Not exactly ready to conquer the world but finally felt a little inkling in my heart that it might just be ok. Its nice to be around people that I feel I really could just talk to endlessly about you and know that they wouldn't get sick of it-they just get it, ALL of it. Grief is so enormous and it isn't something that just goes away. I think its something that will be a part of me forever, and I'm slowly getting to a point where that is OK.

I still busy myself during the day with the tricked mindset that it will allow me to not have to think about it, but it never leaves me. I miss you every single minute of every day. I'm starting to get ahold of this "new normal". It was so hard going to your house to see Papa and KNOW I wasn't going to see you, but I'm getting there. Bella and I went this morning and it was a little better. I didn't look for you. I was able to look at your picture there by all the grandbabies and actually smile. I sat in your pink chair and didn't feel bad about it. I know you were watching when Bella blew Papa a kiss goodbye. Its hard, all these things that I know you would just cherish and eat up, and you aren't here. I have to remind myself that you ARE here, just not in the sense that I'm use to. I still tell Bella every night, "Sweet dreams with GiGi."

We are suppose to bring pictures to tell our story about the ones we have lost for next week's meeting so I'm off to dig thru this huge stack of Nana pictures that I was suppose to be scanning and mailing copies to everyone. Hey, I've made progress-took me a month but I finally got them all off the posterboard. So what if I had to do it while watching Tommy Boy-had to have something make me laugh or I wouldn't have made it through.

Love you
G'night Irene!

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