I laid in bed praying ALOT last night-mainly for wisdom and discernment. Mostly discernment and then wisdom to know what to do with what I discern (hey a girl can hope!!). Just to know whether this is truly God's will, if it is the Holy Spirit proding my heart (and giving me some crazzzzzy baby fever), if it is Satan breaking me down when I worry how in the world will we ever make this work (or is that God attempting to warn me to just not even go after it)... and on and on.
I know this awesome dream is way off in the future of coming true but my head is just FULL of adoption thoughts. My thoughts-pray pray pray on it for the rest of 2010 and then start moving forward... but also thankful for God's timing and just trying to remember to breath and let HIM be in charge. Hunter was not "unplanned" but he definitely came to be ALOT sooner than OUR plans had laid out (found out we were pregnant in April 08 but hadn't planned on that happening until later that year or even into 2009-ended up diagnosed with cancer April 2009). God is SOOO awesome and he knew what the future held, he knew the cancer was coming and that this was the absolute last moment that I could conceive a child-so thankful for His timing!! So I know that if this truly is his plan for our family and for this possible child, that his timing will prevail (despite the fact that I want it NOW-I'm learning that "now" just isn't in His vocabulary and am grateful for that every moment of every day).
So wisdom and discernment, and allowing God's will and timing to prevail. Then the morning comes and sweet Bella Bean pipes in. We have not voiced any of our plans or dreams to her at this point-have only tossed it around between ourselves after the kiddos have gone to bed. She wakes up this morning and says, "Mama I had a dream. I want a baby sissy. We have one boy, one big girl, one little girl" and proceeded to show me the three little people on her fingers. Mama got her morning milk and took a quick potty break so I could compose myself after that lil revelation!!!
Off to play with my Bean (ANOTHER snow day, Daddy had to work and Hunter's daycare was open so its a chica day). Gonna try to just focus on being the Godly mom and wife that God designed me to be for my "right now" family-though I'll admit, this weekend, every little thing we did or said I was imaging another little person added to the mix, and every time it made my heart do huge loopy-de-loops and major smiles!!